Let's work together to ease separation anxiety!

 Separation anxiety is a normal part of child development, typically beginning around 8 months of age and often peaking between 9 to18 months. During this time, children may exhibit distress when separated from their primary caregivers, which is a sign of healthy attachment. However, for some children, this anxiety can escalate into Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) which is more intense and can interfere with daily activities such as attending school or socializing.

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

Common symptoms of separation anxiety in children include:

  • * Excessive worry about losing a parent or caregiver or that something bad will happen to them.
  •  *Clinginess or tantrums when separation occurs, which may be more severe than what is typical for their age.
  •  *Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches when anticipating separation.
  • *Refusal to go to school or participate in activities away from home due to fear of separation.

Surviving separation anxiety: 6 tips to try

1. Create quick goodbye rituals.

Even if you have to do major-league-baseball–style hand movements, give triple kisses at the cubby, or provide a special blanket or toy as you leave, keep the goodbye short and sweet. If you linger, the transition time does too. So will the anxiety.

2. Be consistent.

Try to do the same drop-off with the same ritual at the same time each day you separate to avoid unexpected factors whenever you can. A routine can diminish the heartache and will allow your child to simultaneously build trust in their independence and in you.

3. Give your full attention

When separating, give your child full attention, be loving and provide affection. Then say goodbye quickly despite their antics or cries for you to stay.

4. Keep your promise.

You’ll build trust and independence as your child becomes confident in her ability to be without you when you stick to your promise of return. The biggest mistake I ever made in this regard was returning to class to "visit" my son about an hour after a terrible transition. I was missing him, and although the return was well intended, I not only extended the separation anxiety, we started all over again in the process. When I left the second time (and subsequent days) it was near nuclear.

5. Be specific, child style.

When you discuss your return, provide specifics that your child understands. If you know you’ll be back by 3 p.m., tell it to your child on their terms; for example, say, "I’ll be back after nap time and before afternoon snack." Define time they can understand. Talk about your return from a business trip in terms of "sleeps." Instead of saying, "I’ll be home in 3 days," say, "I’ll be home after 3 sleeps."

6. Practice being apart.

Ship the children off to grandma’s home, schedule playdates, allow friends and family to provide child care for you (even for an hour) on the weekend. Before starting child care or preschool, practice going to school and your goodbye ritual before you even have to part ways. Give your child a chance to prepare, experience and thrive in your absence!

Remember

It’s rare that separation anxiety persists on a daily basis after the preschool years. If you’re concerned that your child isn’t adapting to being without you, chat with the pediatrician. Your pediatrician has certainly helped support families in the same situation. They can help calm your unease and determine a plan to support both of you!

Ms. Becky's advice as a childcare provider doing this work for over 35 years!

1. Full‑time routine Full‑time children typically adjust more quickly because their routine stays consistent. A predictable rhythm—sleep, meals, and daily expectations—helps them feel secure.

  • Make sure they’re well‑rested and fed before arrival.

  • Breakfast is served at 8:30, so early arrivals may need a small snack beforehand.

  • Aim for a consistent bedtime every night.

  • For part‑time children, talk through the weekly rhythm: Mommy days, Ms. Becky days, Grandma days, etc., so they know what to expect.

2. Window goodbyes Waving from the window is a simple, comforting ritual. Kids may cry, but the predictability helps them learn that goodbyes are safe and temporary.

3. Quick drop‑offs Lingering makes separation harder. A confident, brief goodbye helps your child feel secure and settle more quickly.

4. Healthy attachment Separation anxiety reflects your child’s strong attachment to you—not the quality of the childcare environment. Their feelings are normal and developmentally appropriate.

5. Positive framing Talk about childcare as a fun place to play, learn, and make friends—not something they “have to” do. Your attitude sets the tone for theirs.

To help reassure worried parents, I will text a picture when your child has calmed down. With most, it happens within minutes!